Narcissism… rears its head again!!

Narcissists are from all walks of life and often are in leadership roles… making life very difficult for those they have in their sphere of influence.
What is narcissism?
It is a personality type in which the person is totally fixated on themselves and how not only the people but also the situations around them impact their life, with little or no regard to the impact on others.
In fact, Dr Maria Jansen describes the narcissistic person as acting like royalty in that they control all those who come into their sphere of influence… Her book “From Victim to Victor “ explains her story and what it is like living with a narcissist.

Do you know anyone like this?
Everything must revolve around them! Sadly, these people are real experts at manipulation and control… I even had one client who had suffered from an abusive narcissistic mother and had moved on to marry another narcissistic woman, who controlled his life to the “nth” degree. He tried to see me, but after the first session, he was stopped and not allowed to continue in therapy. I had emailed him personally, but even his personal emails were vetted, and he was not able to respond himself, as she had replied on his behalf.
Another client had abusive parents and grandparents. Helping him through the process, he did really well… and stayed clear of the toxicity in his life for 3 months… but was then sucked back into the fold.. and the toxic situation returned… It is so difficult to make changes in your life if you are stuck in a toxic relationship.
There are different types of narcissism, but I came across a covert passive-aggressive narcissist the other day. She presented as a client who had been abused by her husband and had acquired PTSD. (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) . they were still living together…after 56 years! She loved playing the victim to get the attention. She complained that her husband yelled and shouted at her. Yet they worked on their house together, decorating it and doing it up when it needed doing… at her dictation.
I took her through the TRTP (The Richards Trauma Process)… but there was little change… what is going on here? I realised that I had missed something, and so I asked to speak to her husband to find out whether he had PTSD as well, which might explain his anger…
Only to discover that this poor man was totally controlled by his wife, even to agreeing that he was the abuser, when in fact, he was the one being abused. He had even attended the police courses on how not to be abusive in the home…and had been questioned even then if he was sure he was the abuser. He had become totally codependent on her… and could see no wrong in her, only that she would not agree to have them live in harmony and peace..which was all that he wanted!!
He had even been asked to leave on several occasions and was yanked back to the house on her terms. I asked him how he felt about having to live elsewhere, and his reply was, “Absolutely terrified!” I did feel for this man, but in this instance, I could do nothing for him. He was incapable of seeing that he was the one being abused!
This type of personality is elegantly explained in the book “The Covert passive aggressive narcissist” by Debbie Mirza…
By Fran Nguyen
Narcissism… rears its head again